The one piece of advice every mom-to-be needs to hear

Becoming a mom is exciting, exhausting, amazing, and overwhelming. This is the single BEST piece of advice I was given as a mom-to-be that saved me in the first week of motherhood.

A few weeks before I had my first child, I was talking to a friend (who had just had her first baby a few months earlier) about all my excitement and fears about what was coming. During that conversation, she gave me some advice that ended up being my lifeline the first few weeks of motherhood. To this day, it’s the single best piece of advice that I was given while preparing to meet the little boy who turned my world happily upside down.

Today, I want to share that advice with you in hopes that if when you find yourself overwhelmed by all the changes to your life, your emotions, and your body that first week of motherhood, you can find a little hope.

Motherhood is amazing, and you’re going to be a wonderful parent. But you need to know something important:

In the first week of motherhood, you will be likely be exhausted, uncomfortable, and overwhelmed. And during that time–at least once–you are going to wonder what you got yourself into.

If you’re like me, you will start to question whether you are really cut out for this motherhood thing…not in the general how-will-I-raise-this-beautiful-child? sense of the phrase, but in a very real and scary I-can’t-do-this-and-do-you-think-the-hospital-has-a-return-policy sense of the phrase. 

Then, when you realize what you just thought, you will probably start to feel guilty for having such “un-motherly” thoughts.

In the moment you have that thought, I want you to stop, and remember what I’m about to say:

It’s the hormones talking, not you. Just hang on, and it will get better.

Seriously.

Have you ever looked up what happens chemically in your body after childbirth? Your hormones are going crazy that first week. Progesterone, estrogen, oxytocin, and prolactin all change drastically in the days immediately following childbirth (if you want all the nerdy scientific details like me, read more here). 

The “baby blues” are a real thing. The emotional roller coaster typically peaks around day four and usually resolves after about two weeks.

Basically, you’re probably going to feel a little bit crazy those first few weeks. That’s okay.

You’re not broken. You’re not a bad mother. You’re just going through a huge transition and your body needs time to sort everything out.

That is critical knowledge for exhausted new moms.

My Experience

I remember the moment my friend’s advice hit home for me. After a difficult delivery and stressful hospital stay where my baby ended up in the NICU for three days, I was finally home. I was in bed with him, and I had just finished a feeding. I tried to adjust how I was sitting, and winced at the pain. Completely drained, I laid the baby on the bed, and I started to cry.

I didn’t want to be crying.

I didn’t want to be in pain.

I didn’t want to be exhausted.

I wanted to be one of those glowing mothers who snuggles her baby and smiles, ready to take on the world with an infant in tow. But instead, I couldn’t even sit up in bed comfortably.

I doubted myself.

I doubted my strength, my willpower, my patience, my ability to sacrifice. I doubted pretty much everything. And in the middle of all that doubt, with tears streaming down my face and unsteady breaths on the verge of sobbing, my friend’s advice came back to me:

It’s the hormones talking, not you. Just hang on, and it will get better.

Then I laughed.

It wasn’t loud, and I didn’t think anything was particularly funny, but it was so reassuring in that moment to know that what I was feeling was totally normal. It was empowering to recognize those emotions for what they were: the result of an extremely stressful and tumultuous week.

I took some more deep breaths, picked my little man back up, looked into his eyes, and I began to talk to him.

“We’re going to be all right,” I told him. “I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m going to make a lot of mistakes along the way, but we will figure it out. Okay?”

Then, I began to tell him the story of how my husband and I met and fell in love. I think in that moment I needed to remind myself of all the good things that had led to this moment–how his birth was the culmination of so many years of waiting, hoping, dreaming, working, and struggling to create a family of my own.

It didn’t get easier right away.

In fact, a few days later (day 8 to be exact), I spent an ENTIRE day crying every time I tried to talk. Seriously. No sleep + needy baby + sore mama = lots of tears.

But my friend was right. It really was just the hormones and the general exhaustion of everything I’d experienced. After a couple of weeks, I started to feel more like myself. I still got overwhelmed with motherhood (for that matter, I still get overwhelmed with motherhood), but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

One Final Tip:

Once you identify where your emotions are coming from, you can do a few things to help get you through those first two emotionally tumultuous weeks:

First, give yourself an emotional break.

Forgive yourself for silently wishing that you could go back to how life was pre-baby. Tell yourself it’s okay to cry. Seek out people you can confide in, and let them know that you’re having a tough time. Tell them that you don’t need them to fix it; you just need them to listen. Basically, just be kind to yourself.

Second, give yourself a physical break.

It’s SO hard to be the mom of a newborn. Dad’s are affected, too (and I bless my husband for all he did for me in those early days), but there is no getting around the fact that YOUR body is the one trying to put itself back together after all the stretching and dare I say trauma of childbirth. If you’re breastfeeding, YOUR body is the one feeding the baby every two to three hours. And YOUR body is the one that will be awakened every time the baby needs to eat in the middle of the night. If at all possible, hand the baby off to someone else for a little bit between feedings and take a nap, or just go stand outside and breathe in some fresh air. A few minutes away will help you feel a little more like YOU again.

Good luck, Mamas! You’ve got this motherhood thing.

Do you agree with my advice? What is the best advice YOU received before becoming a mom?

Note: All this is written from my own experience. I don’t pretend to be a medical or psychological expert. Baby blues are real and they pass, but postpartum depression is real, too, and that often requires more help. Don’t be afraid to get professional help if you need it.